Can't Remember Dick
by Galaxy1001D
Summary: Twelve years after waking up in a red rambler with amnesia, Mary Albright discovers four quirky strangers in her room.
1. Chapter 1

**Can't Remember Dick**

_By Galaxy 1001D_

Doctor Mary Albright was dying, cirrhosis of the liver the doctors said, but she knew better. She was dying of a broken heart. Her life was over and she had never met her true love. How the hell could she not have met the love of her life? She was sixty-four for crying out loud! She had certainly tried hard enough. There were a few old professors back at Pendleton who still thought of her as "Doctor Slutbunny." How the hell could she not have found the love of her life when she had played the field for so long? For the last ten years she made the mistake of drinking alcohol to relieve her loneliness. That took out her liver and now she was on her way out.

Even now she was being kept alive by machines. Every once and a while a doctor or nurse would come in to see if she was dead yet. You'd think her brother would at least show up!

Wait! She heard voices! Somebody _had_ showed up! Somebody actually cared! Of course, it might just be some med students waiting for her to leave her body to science…

"Oh my God! Mary!" said a hysterical man's voice. "It's even worse than we heard! Tommy! Sally! Harry! Quick! We've got to act fast or else we'll lose her! Tommy, get a move on you old fool! What's taking so long?"

Were these loved ones who came to say goodbye or were they doctors? The painkillers had made Mary pretty loopy. She honestly couldn't tell.

"Keep your shirt on Dick," a boy answered. "You try setting up this equipment when you're stuck in a body with only two hands!"

"Harry, keep an eye on the hallway!" a woman ordered. "If the staff sees alien technology in here, they'll freak!"

"Gotcha Sally," said a masculine voice that sounded like it was on painkillers too. "Don't worry. No one is gonna freak on my watch!"

"Harry you're still looking at _me_," the woman named Sally said. "You're not even looking at the door!"

"Oops!" the one named Harry said. "Got it! Keepin' an eye on the hallway…"

"Harry you're heading to the window," the woman said. "The door's that way."

"Lieutenant, maybe you better keep guard with him," the first voice.

"Yeah, and maybe you two better go bite yourselves while you're at it!" the boy exclaimed.

"What's_ his_ problem?" the one named Harry asked.

"Tommy's just upset because they gave him the same body he was in last time," the woman called Sally snickered.

"So what's the big deal?" Harry's voice asked. "I thought we asked for the same bodies we had last time."

"I wanted my body to be the age it was when we left!" the boy called Tommy grumbled. "Instead I'm the same age I was when we first arrived back in 1996! I can't believe this! I'm going to have to go through puberty all over again!"

"Get ahold of yourself, man!" the voice the boy had called 'Dick' ordered. "You can grow up all you want after we save Mary's _life_! Look at her! She's become a shrunken wreck of a woman being kept alive by these _machines_!"

"Well you gotta admit," the one called Harry said. "They look like pretty _cool_ machines…"

A slapping sound was heard. "Harry you idiot!" Sally growled. "You're supposed to be watching the hallway!"

"Isn't that _we_ are supposed to be watching the hallway?"

Mary heard the sound of punch, followed by the sound of someone bouncing off the wall and falling to the floor.

"Watching the hallway!" Harry said as he rose shakily to his feet. "Got it! You can count on me!" Mary heard the door open and shut.

"Okay, I've got the bioenergizer set up," Tommy's voice said. "Give me the readings Dick."

"Alright, I've homed in on her liver," Dick said. "Goodness! It's the size of a basketball!" he gasped in disbelief. "Tommy take a look at it! You've got to see this!"

A bright light shone through Mary's eyelids as an electronic humming sound was heard. It was strange, even though the light was blinding it didn't hurt. Those painkillers must be real good.

"Okay, transferring bioenergy now," Tommy said. "You should be seeing some improvement!"

"It's working Tommy! It's working!" Dick cried. "It's shrinking! It's starting to look like a liver again!"

"Okay, I'll keep it up for a little while and she'll have the liver of a twenty year old," the boy said.

"It isn't working!" Dick cried. "I don't understand it! Her liver is back to normal but she still looks like hell!"

"Yeah she looks like one of those little dried raisins you find in a bowl of Raisin Bran," Sally grunted.

"Well without her liver, all sorts of things went wrong with her body," Tommy explained. "Let's face it, Dick. Her biochemistry's shot. It will take weeks for her to…"

"Keep up the treatment!"

"Are you crazy?"

"She looks like a shrunken Voodoo doll!" Dick gasped. "Keep up the treatment. Give her more bioenergy! We're going to get her back to normal!"

"Okay," said the boy as the electronic hum and glow increased. "Punching it to two eighty!"

"I've got one eighty three over ninety!" Dick called.

"Bioshock pressure's at two eighty and holding!" the boy called back.

"I'm down to one fifty!" Dick announced. "Adjust energy feed to two ninety!"

"Two ninety!"

"It's no good give me three hundred!" Dick ordered.

"Three hundred!" Tommy called back.

The glow and the electronic hum continued as the man and boy shouted numbers at each other. It was hard to tell if they were taking medical readings or playing bingo.

"Look!" It's working!" Dick gasped. "She looks like herself again! She's no longer a dried up wrinkled old prune! She looks like Mary again. Stabilize her biochemistry."

"Done and done," the boy said as electronic sounds were heard. "All toxins should be removed from the body, biochemistry normal for her DNA."

Mary felt much better. She felt… good. Really, really good. Her head was clear, her pain was gone, she felt strong enough to open her eyes and sit up…

"She's waking up!" Dick cried. "She's waking up!"

"What do you expect?" the boy snapped. "I just got rid of all the toxins in her body! That includes any drugs they gave her to keep her out!"

"What do we do?" Dick cried. "Should we let her see our alien technology? It might scare her!"

"Huh?" Mary sat up and opened her eyes just in time to be struck senseless by a blow to the chin.

"Sally!" Dick scolded. "What do you think you're doing Lieutenant?"

"I didn't see any of you doing anything!" The woman said defensively. "Quick, while she's out. Let's get this stuff out of sight."

As Mary's senses came back one by one, she could hear a lot of movement on the floor. There was clicking and slamming and zipping, and she heard the door open. "Harry get back in here and help them!" Dick ordered.

"What's up, Dick?" the one called Harry asked as he came back in. "Oh look! Doctor Albright looks like Doctor Albright again! Can I look under her gown?"

"No, you can't look under her gown!" Dick snapped.

"Who are you people?" Mary said as she opened her eyes.

"Mary!" a middle-aged man over six feet tall hugged her. He about fifty, balding and his blonde hair was turning white. "Mary! You're alive!"

"Yes and why are you touching me like that?" she asked.

"Mary!" the huge man sniveled. "I know it's been over ten years but surely you haven't forgotten me?"

"Yeah, all of Rutherford knows that Mary likes Dick," a shorter younger man squinted at them.

"Yes!" the huge man nodded. "Everybody in Rutherford knows how much Mary likes Dick! Mary _loves_ Dick! Mary can't _get enough_ _of _Dick!"

"Who are you and why are you saying these horrible things to me?" Mary said aghast.

A young woman's head popped up into view. "So the mummy rises huh?"

"Who are you people?" Mary demanded.

"Mary!" the tall man begged. "It's me! It's me! It's Dick!" As the others dissembled and packed up _something _on the floor, the one called Dick yammered on like there was no tomorrow. "I never meant to leave you! We've spent the last ten years trying to get over the Big Giant Head so we could kiss the Big Giant Ass and convince him that this planet deserved saving! And we did it! We won! We're back! And I'm not leaving you this time Mary! I'm not leaving you!"

A thirteen year old boy got up off the floor and shouldered a heavy satchel. "Dick it's no good. She doesn't remember us."

Dick winced and closed his eyes. "That's right; we had to erase her memory. In that case, assemble the neural stimulator."

"Uh Dick, we didn't bring it," the woman got up to reveal that she was a tall curvy amazon holding a large satchel of her own. "We didn't have room. We had to make room for the equipment we're going to use to save the Earth from that giant asteroid that's going to collide with it in three years."

Dick closed his eyes and grunted in frustration. He then looked back at Mary with a condescending smile on his face. "You must be awfully confused," he cooed reassuringly. "I'm Doctor Dick Solomon."

"_Doctor_ Solomon?" Mary repeated as she pointed at him. "Did you say that you're a _doctor_? Are you the one who took my pain away?" She glanced down at her hand. "Hey, what happened to my skin?" she asked. "It feels as smooth as a baby's rear!" She smiled childishly and rubbed the back of her hand. Where were the age spots?

"Yeah when we started, you looked like a wrinkled old prune!" the woman smiled, "but now you look like yourself again!"

"Lieutenant I believe _I_ can handle this," Dick murmured arrogantly as he held her now forty-nine year old hand.

"No you _can't_ Dick," the boy called Tommy reminded him. "Did you forget? You're a physics professor, not a medical doctor!"

Dick winced yet again with a violent nod that made Mary back up in her bed. "Well, I hope you feel better soon," he smiled weakly. "I had them save your office for you," he added as he and the others backed up to the door. "We can see each other at the university when you go back to work! Well toodle-loo!" With that, the four of them turned and ran out the door.

"Who _were_ those people?" Mary asked herself. Dick Solomon? Didn't Nina say that she used to date a Dick Solomon? She just couldn't remember him. Come to think of it, it was after she got those gaps in her memory that she started to drink.

The doctors were amazed at her recovery, but nowhere as much as Mary herself when she looked into a mirror. Chronologically she was fifteen years younger! It was amazing! It was as if she had a facelift! No! More than a facelift, a bodylift! It was incredible! She was healthier than she had been in years! Who was Dick Solomon? Did he say that he would see her at work? She didn't know _who_ Dick Solomon was but she had a feeling it was going to be a lot of fun finding out! The grim reaper was just going to have to wait, because Mary Albright wasn't going anywhere soon!


	2. Chapter 2

**Can't Remember Dick part two**

_By Galaxy 1001D_

"I can't believe how good I look!" Mary smiled as Nina drove her home.

Nina, her friend and secretary was an Afro-American woman of indeterminate age. "I know, you're a whole new woman! It's amazing. Did you volunteer for some new procedure or what?"

"I don't remember doing so, but thanks to the painkillers I don't remember anything clearly," Mary laughed. "I even imagined that a bunch of weirdoes came into my room and told me they were aliens before doing a bunch of science fiction mumbo jumbo to me! Isn't that hysterical?"

"You were out of it girl," Nina shook her head. "You were a nine point two on the buzzard scale. Somebody up there must really like you. I don't know about you but _I'm_ going back to church!"

"Yeah, me too!" Mary smiled. "None of the doctors know what happened. This looks like a case of divine intervention if I ever saw it. I just wonder why I imagined angels that looked like a bunch of jerks and weirdoes? I guess in this cynical scientific age my subconscious rejects anything magical or miraculous. If Jesus himself walked up to me I'd just think he was a Jewish hippie."

"Is that why you imagined aliens?"

"I didn't imagine aliens," Mary shook her head. "I imagined a group of weirdoes who _said_ they were aliens. I didn't even see any Star Trek stuff. I am such a cynic that my drug addled hallucinations don't have any magic in them! Is that pathetic or what?" Mary laughed before she sobered. "That's pathetic," she said seriously. "If I'm going to hallucinate why couldn't I dream of angels or pixies? You'd think that as an anthropology professor I'd have a whole planet worth of symbolism to choose from. Instead I just imagined a bunch of ordinary people who acted strange."

"Maybe they _were_ angels," Nina suggested. "You know, they were those 'Touched by an Angel' kind of angels that look just like normal folks so nobody knows they're dong the Lord's work. Unless you can figure out a reason why aliens would do the same thing."

"I can't," Mary shook her head. "And the strangest thing was that one of them told me his name was Dick Solomon, that man I dated off and on for six years but for some reason can't remember."

Nina hit the brakes. The cars behind her did the same and honked their horns. "Say what?" she demanded as she glared at Mary. "You say one of them said his name was Dick Solomon? Mary you better hope it was a hallucination, 'cause that man is bad news! The guy was batcrap crazy girl! You were so strong before you met him and after he and his freaky family disappeared you became an alcoholic. You better hope he's not back to undo what the Lord has done for you. You're finally on the road to recovery. Don't throw it all away girl!"

"Nina, it's not like this guy could really exist!" Mary chuckled uncertainly. "What are you talking about? The drugs messed around with my subconscious and churned up stuff that's been repressed so much its degenerated into confabulation, that's all. Maybe your 'Touched by an Angel' people are new at their jobs like Clarence from _It's a Wonderful Life_ and used whatever tomfoolery they could think of to cover up a divine intervention. It doesn't mean anything, you silly."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Nina snickered as she started the car again and continued driving Mary home. "It doesn't matter if your guardian angels are screw-ups as long as they get the job done."

"If my guardian angels are screw-ups it sure would explain a lot!" Mary chuckled. "I probably wasn't supposed to become an alcoholic in the first place and they probably had to save my life to save their jobs!" She laughed hysterically before she sobered. "I'm over sixty, a slut, a boozehound, and living alone. Where _were _those idiots?" she grumbled bitterly.

"Well the important thing is that you have a second chance at life," Nina lectured. "It's up to you to decide whether or not to throw that chance away. You're a strong woman Mary, so I know you'll do the right thing."

"Yeah," Mary nodded. "When I get home I'm going to wrap all my wine bottles in gift boxes and give them away for Christmas. I got so much of that stuff I'll probably be set for the next four years. You got any preferences, Nina?"

"Well, there is that bottle of 1998 Chardonnay that will be great for my next wedding anniversary," she said before lapsing into an awkward silence. Mary didn't like being reminded that she was still single.

"I'm sure Lemont will love it," Mary said bravely after an awkward silence. "Well, here's my house," she said as Nina's car pulled up to the driveway. "Thanks for the ride Nina," she waved as she got out of the car. "See you at school."

"Take care of yourself Doctor Albright," Nina said before she drove away.

Mary took a deep breath and steeled herself. Here it is. The hardest part. Going back into that empty house. Her possessions were probably boxed up by her relatives looking to grab her stuff. Still it was home sweet home, right? She stopped when she got to the door. If she wasn't careful, force of habit would make her pour herself a drink to relax after a big day. She'd been down that road too many times. She was going to have to start having soft drinks. That way she could go through the motions without actually having any alcohol…

What the hell? Her door wasn't locked? Were some of her relatives in there all ready? Didn't they know she wasn't dead?

She opened the door and her mouth fell open. Inside she saw the people she saw at the hospital.

"These boxes are heavy," the little boy complained as he hauled down a box full of wine bottles from upstairs. "I'm just a little kid again; I can't lift as much as I used to! Shouldn't I be updating our cover identities or something?"

"Quit complaining old man!" the tall bald man who called himself 'Dick Solomon' ordered as he pulled a bottle of vodka from behind the couch. "Mary's coming home today! We've got to get rid of all this stuff before she comes home and starts drinking again."

"Don' worry Dick," the man with the squint said as he sat on the couch and drank right out of bottle. "I'm getting rid of it. As fast as I can."

"Hey are you out of your mind?" The amazon set down the cases of beer she had pulled out of the kitchen in order to slap the man on the couch. "What do you think you're doin' Harry? Dick told us to get rid of the booze, not sit around and have a one man party."

"Sally, you get rid of it the way you like and I get rid of the way _I_ like," he purred in satisfaction.

"Harry that stuff is a poison," the boy said. "It's a chemical that affects your brain."

"Tommy, the _human body_ is a chemical that affects your brain," Harry drawled as he leaned back and stretched. "Let's face it: We didn't have bodies or feelings like this back home. Humanity is like a drug: A dangerous self-destructive drug, and even though we cold turkeyed a while we fell off the wagon. Take the high commander. Get it? _High_ commander."

"What about the high commander?" Dick asked indignantly.

"You couldn't let Mary Albright go, could ya Dick?" Harry drawled lazily. "That woman, she unlocked some kind of biochemical in that body that's made you an addict. That's it. We're all addicts. We've got human biology addiction. We were clean for over a decade, but now we're back… Back in this lonely planet, full of feelings and sensations, with nowhere to go, and we're their last hope…"

"Okay, I'm taking this away," Dick said as he pulled the bottle out of Harry's hand. "You obviously can't take this stuff. You're talking crazy. Lieutenant, dispose of it like the others."

"Yes high commander," Sally said as she took the bottle. Before Mary's unbelieving eyes, the woman and Dick saluted each other, but it was the wackiest salute she ever saw. It was more like a fraternity handshake or something.

In the meantime Harry reached under the sofa cushions and extracted a small silver hipflask. "I knew you wouldn't let me down Mary!" he smiled and nodded.

"In the meantime we've got to update our covers," the boy named Tommy said. "This body can't pass for the same Tommy unless it's grown up to maturity, so in the meantime I'm not going to be the original Tommy. Dick, I can't be your son."

"You're not my son?" Dick wailed in horror. "But what happened to _my_ Tommy?"

"He joined the army and is fighting overseas," the boy said. "We don't know how long he'll be gone."

"Ooh! Ooh!" Harry raised his hand. "Join the marines! They're the first ones in and the last ones out!"

"So if you're not my son, who are you?" Dick asked suspiciously.

"I'm Sally's son," the boy said. "Eleven years ago, Sally was knocked up by your brother in law, the original Tommy's uncle. Since both Tommys' parents come from the same gene pools, it's a good explanation for why the young Tommy looks identical to the old Tommy at this age."

"I got knocked up?" Sally asked uncertainly. "How did it happen?"

"You both got drunk at a New Year's Eve party," the boy explained. "It's a secret family shame that tore our families apart. That's why we have no contact with Tommy's mother or my father. We don't talk about it."

"I got drunk?" Sally asked timidly before glowering at the booze bottle. "You ruined my life!" she screamed before she threw it on the floor. "Why? Why did I ever start drinking? Why?"

"There, there Lieutenant," Dick hugged her protectively. "It wasn't your fault."

"How could this happen?" she sobbed as tears trickled out of her eyes. "I'm a good person Dick! I swear I'm a good! Person!"

"Hey look!" Harry pointed at her. "She's leaking again! I forgot that we did that!"

"Sally for crying out loud it's just a cover story," Tommy scolded.

"Be quiet Tommy!" she shouted over her shoulder. "You're the symbol of my shame! I had to sacrifice my dreams to take care of you!"

"Come on Sally, it happened eleven years ago," Harry shrugged. "You're still goin' on about it?"

"Lieutenant we all appreciate the way you get into character but you're starting to scare us," Dick said.

"I'm a ruined woman!" Sally howled.

"Leave this to me," Harry said as he rose to his feet. "I've seen a lot of movies. Sally…"

"Yeah?" she sniveled as she turned to face him. "Ow!" she yelped as Harry slapped her.

"No need to thank me," Harry nodded in satisfaction. "My work here is done."

"No it isn't we still need to get rid of this booze so Doctor Albright doesn't destroy herself," Tommy scolded as he placed a heavy box of booze in Harry's hands.

"And where to you get off slapping me?" Sally growled before she punched him.

Harry tumbled over the couch and disappeared behind it in a crescendo of breaking glass. "Clean up in aisle seven!" he moaned.

"Who are you people?" Mary demanded.

The three remaining housebreakers turned and stared at her.

"Mary!" Dick gasped. "How long have you been there? Did you hear us say that we're aliens from another galaxy and we've returned to save the Earth from that giant asteroid that's going to hit it in 2015?"

"No," she shook her head.

Dick blinked in self-recrimination before he assumed an exaggerated expression of nonchalance. "Well that's good," he said as he glanced around at his teammates. "Because we didn't say it. Did we guys?"

"No," Sally and Tommy shook their heads.

"A little help back here?" Harry's voice moaned from behind the couch.

"You expect me to believe your aliens here to save the Earth?" Mary asked indignantly.

"No," Dick smiled strangely. "We expect you to believe that we're perfectly ordinary earthlings who've been here the whole time, isn't that right guys?"

"Yeah," Tommy and Sally nodded while trying to act cool.

Harry emerged from behind the couch. His clothes were soaked in wine and bits of broken glass clung to him, but he appeared unhurt. "Hey it's Doctor Albright," he smiled. "Yourplace is a mess." He looked at his hand. "Oh, I'm bleeding. I must have cut myself when I got up." His gave his bleeding finger a double take before confusing in horror. "I'm bleeding! Dick I've only had this body for a few days and I've already broke it!"

"Let me take a look at that," Sally said. "I'm the tactical officer. I've been in combat. I know how to treat a wound." She stared at his bleeding finger. "Blood!" she gasped before she fainted dead away.

"Well at least it's not serious," Dick said as he surveyed Harry's wound.

"Get out of my house before I call the police!" Mary demanded.

"If we go, you're not going to start drinking again, are you?" Dick asked in concern.

"Hell yes!" Mary exclaimed.

"Then we can't go," Dick said seriously. "The reason I jeopardized our mission by coming here was to save your life. I'm sorry Mary. I love you. I can't let you kill yourself."

"You're the people who were at the hospital!" Mary gasped in realization. "You're the weirdoes who said you were aliens during the miracle that saved my life! Oh my God! It's you! You're Dick Solomon!" She fell to the floor, unconscious.

"Yes!" Dick cried. "She remembers me!"

"There must be something in the air that's knocking out all the women," Harry mused as he clutched his finger.

"Yeah, we better run an atmospheric test," Tommy agreed.

"I'll get the equipment," Dick said as he stepped over Mary's comatose body to leave the house.


	3. Chapter 3

**Can't Remember Dick part three**

_By Galaxy 1001D_

When Mary arrived for her first day back at the university she was given a standing ovation. Her fellow professors congratulated her on her miraculous recovery and they all agreed that she looked fabulous. Mary was all smiles and blushes as she accepted kisses, handshakes, and small gifts from her friends.

She didn't tell them that she had fainted in her living room the day she was released from the hospital. It was her fault for overdoing it, but the next day she looked and felt so good that she took up jogging again. She hadn't jogged in years! Her osteoporosis wasn't bothering her either, somehow they had cured that too! Measuring herself, she had regained four inches back to her normal height. If that hospital ever needed a former patient to endorse them in a commercial, she wanted to be at the front of the line!

Although… all of her liquor was missing. All of it. None of her relatives 'fessed up to it, but she wouldn't be surprised if Nina decided to save her from herself. What about those strange people from the hospital that she imagined in her house? Were they really aliens from another planet who came here to save her from her addiction or was this a withdraw symptom that hadn't been documented yet?

Somehow she made it to the store without buying in any gin. Instead she had bought a sample of nearly every soft drink known to man so she could go through the motions until she could finally kick the habit. If she wasn't careful, she was going to rot her teeth, but strangely, even her teeth seemed stronger and whiter than they had been when she was admitted to the hospital.

Oh well, it didn't matter if the government _had_ gone 'mad science' on her and experimented with a brand new way to restore life to the dying. She had been a 9.6 on the buzzard scale anyway and now was a new woman looking and feeling twenty years younger. It was time to stay positive! Today nothing was going to break her sunny disposition.

As she entered her office she noticed that Nina didn't have a sunny disposition. On the contrary the look on her face was kind of sour. "Good morning Nina, what's wrong?" Mary asked in concern.

"Oh Doctor Albright, when it looked like you were done for, they promised your office to someone else," her secretary moaned. "I did what I could, but the best I could do was to have the two of you share it."

"Thank God for tenure," Mary chuckled. "I've still got my parking space; I can live with sharing an office. So who's the new roomie anyway?"

"Hello everyone!" Dick beamed as he strode into the office.

"Dick Solomon," Nina said bitterly.

"Oh my God it's you!" Mary squeaked. "You're real!"

"I know," Nina nodded. "You try to block out the memory but he keeps coming back in your nightmares."

"You were at the hospital!" Mary gasped. "You were at my house!"

"So he's stalking you already huh?" Nina sighed. "I'm going out for a coffee break and letting you two hash it out," she added as she left the office.

"Who the hell _are_ you?" Mary demanded.

"Why I thought you said you remembered me," he sighed. "I'm Dick Solomon."

"Dick Solomon!" Mary gasped. "_The_ Dick Solomon? Not the total wackjob that I dated on and off for six years?"

"Yes! It's all coming back," he smiled and playfully punched her shoulder. "That's great! I can't wait to for us to get reacquainted!"

"No I don't remember you; Nina told me about you!"

He seemed disappointed. "Oh. But you said you remembered me."

"Yes!" Mary nodded. "You were at my house, rifling through my things like a common burglar!"

Dick's indignant sputtering was truly epic. He couldn't speak and staggered backwards as if having a heart attack. "How do you like that?" he finally managed. "You try to be nice to somebody and all you get is complaints!"

"And before that you at the hospital on the day of my miraculous recovery," Mary continued before her eyes grew wide and her voice grew quiet. "On the day of my miraculous recovery," she repeated.

"Yes?" Dick demanded as he closed in on her. "What about your miraculous recovery? Did you see Sally, Tommy, Harry and me?"

"Yes," she looked away and seemed to be in a trance.

"Oh my gosh!" he staggered backwards with his hand in his mouth. "Did you by any chance see the advanced alien technology we used to save your life?"

"What?" she looked at him in surprise. "No!"

Dick made a strange dancing motion as he sucked in a breath. He stared at her in alarm before assuming a façade of exaggerated calm. "Well good," he purred. "Because if you did you were just imagining things. Must be the drugs they used."

She stared at him. "Doctor Solomon, are you trying to say that you used advanced alien technology to save my life?"

"No!" he whined in alarm. "That's exactly what I'm trying _not_ to say!"

"Okay then what's going on?" Mary asked him. She should have been afraid of this nutjob, but his guilty subordinate manner had given her back her old confidence. "What were you doing in my room?"

"I wasn't in your room!" he insisted. "Honestly we weren't even there!"

"Then how do you know I saw you and the others?"

"Nina told me!"

"Now why do I doubt that?" Mary asked as she advanced on the cowering giant. "Come on Solomon. Give me the truth."

"You want the TRUTH?" he roared. "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

"What were you doing in my room?" she demanded after a pregnant pause. "Did you have something to do with my cirrhosis going into remission?"

"We didn't make it go into remission; we completely got rid of it," he snorted before jumping back in horror. "No! I swear we had nothing to do with it!" he whined. "Honest!"

"Oh my God," Mary murmured. "_Did_ you have something to do with it?"

"Now wait give me a minute," he said as he raised a hand in surrender. "I just got back to this planet. I haven't reacquired the knack of lying just yet."

"You just got back to his planet?" Mary repeated in disbelief. "Where _have_ you been, _Mars_?"

"_Mars_?" Dick laughed. "You think there's life on _Mars_? Oh Mary, that's a good one!"

"I was being sarcastic!"

"Ooh!" he muttered in apology. "Sorry. I forgot all about sarcasm. But don't worry, it's all coming back. I'll get it all back in no time," he announced pompously.

"My God Solomon just listen to yourself!"

"Sorry but it's been years since I've been on this planet," he sniffed indignantly. "I still haven't gotten used to this body…"

"Used to this body?" she sneered. "Just who do you think you are? Doctor Who?"

"No, I'm Doctor Solomon," he corrected. "But I'd prefer it if you call me Dick."

"Listen Mork or whoever you are, what's going on?" she demanded. "I thought I was losing my mind but it's true! You've been stalking me! Who are you and what to you want?"

Instead of teaching physics Dick Solomon should have been teaching drama, because his face when through the entire gamut of emotions. "I just want to start up where we left off," he finally said.

"Good," she put her hands on her hips. "Who are you and what to you want?"

"No I mean from the last time we saw each other," he clarified. "Before I left over ten years ago."

"But I can't remember you from that time!" she shook her head helplessly. "We dated on and off for six years but I just can't remember you! Oh my God! Am I blocking out a traumatic experience? Did you take advantage of me against my will?" she whispered.

"Only that one night but you _insisted_," he said apologetically. "You said that roleplaying would be fun."

"Ew, that sounds like me," she winced. "My God. I was a real freak wasn't I?"

"No!" he whined as he crouched on one knee and held her hand. "You're not. I swear you're not." he said in a quiet gentle voice. "_You_ are the most wonderful, delightful person I've ever met. The reason I came back was… for you."

Mary couldn't hide her girlish smile. "Really?"

"Yes," he kissed her hand. "Really. I know my assignment here was over, but I had to come back for you Mary. You're the only woman I ever loved. You taught me what love _is_. How could I just go away and leave you forever like that? I had to come back to you. Imagine my horror when I discovered that you were dying! I know it's against the rules but I had to act. The world just wouldn't be the same without you. It wouldn't be worth saving then."

"Aw," Mary blushed. "I don't know why, but for some reason, I trust you. I guess I really _do_ know you after all. Tell me, were we close?"

"Oh yes!" he said as he hugged her and pulled her up against his body. "We were quite close!"

Alarm returned to Mary's face now that Dick was smashing her up against his chest. She grimaced at the sudden intimate contact. "Then why did you leave me?" she asked him shakily.

_That_ made him let go. "Well, erm," he coughed and rubbed the back of his neck. "That's a little hard to explain…"

"Does it have anything to do that nonsense about using alien technology to save my life?"

He cowered guiltily. "Maybe," he muttered quietly.

She stared at him for almost twenty seconds before launching into him. "Doctor Solomon, I have been very patient…"

"Dick, please," he interrupted.

She rolled her eyes. "_Dick_," she made a wide dismissive gesture with her arm. "I have been very patient with you but this nonsense about alien technology is unbelievable! I wouldn't believe it at all except… Look at me! Not only am I alive but I look twenty years younger!"

"I must say, you look great don't you?" he grinned.

"Yeah I do," she smiled back, "and I _feel_ great too! But I don't want to undo it all by stressing myself to death. Come on, Dick, level with me. What's going on?"

He sat at his desk and pouted, unwilling to look at her.

She walked up to him and tried to look him in the eye. "Dick, if what you said is true, if you love me, you'll tell me what really happened."

He shook his head and kept looking away. "I don't want to scare you," he said quietly.

"Believe me Doctor Solomon we passed scaring me a _long_ time ago," she smirked. "Come on Dick, level with me."

"You'll never believe it."

"Maybe you're right, but I don't think I'll disbelieve it either," she admitted. "Come on; tell me your ridiculous made-up story. It's worth a shot. I'm feeling gullible."

He looked at her. "Okay," he nodded. "But not here. Let's have a drink after school and talk about it."

"Not supposed to drink alcohol, remember?" she reminded him dryly. "I know thatbecause _you broke into my house and made off with all my liquor_," she announced through clenched teeth.

"All for the best of reasons." Somehow Dick managed to say that both bashfully and arrogantly at the same time. "I'm just trying to save you from the demon alcohol. I travelled countless parsecs to save you, so you don't expect a little B and E to stop me do you?" Okay arrogance had just trumped shame. "We didn't take any of your valuables did we?"

"No, thank goodness," she admitted. "But you can't keep breaking into people's houses like that! It freaks me out!"

"You got over it before," he shrugged.

"Oh hell," she snorted in disgust. "It's true. I really _did_ block you out. You're just one big traumatic memory wrapped in a stress sandwich aren't you?"

"I think that's unfair," he pouted. "For all you know I saved your life."

"How!?"

"Don't ask me!" he moaned melodramatically as he turned away and hid his face in his hands. "For all you know I'm just a physics professor. That's what I have to be." He looked back at her and asked in a businesslike tone. "By the way, are you doing anything tonight?"

"What have I got myself into?" Mary asked herself.


End file.
